APOLOGIES TO A. B. PATERSON

(Snowy River)

There is movement at the stations for the word has got around
that the politicians have reneged again.
Like their promise at election, no more members have been found
and no-one will say if, or how, or when.

The Association members, all the general rank and file
are sick and tired of nothing being done
and the sound of one hand clapping just increased the member’s bile
when the gag was clamped up high by Number One.

There was bitterness, and protest by the members right across
the state at such a blatant cutting stroke,
but this is not surprising when you calculate the gross
results of two years terms is just a joke.

There’s a feeling in the members of “Why is it still this way?”,
though the will is there to help and care and serve.
Still, the ancient Greek who wrote this must have meant it for today –
“You will end up with the Law which you deserve”.

CLAYTONS

(Clementine)

On the roster, in the Div van, at domestics, footy too
are policemen, all named Clayton, sharing work with me and you.
Now we don’t have any problems with the workload, there’s no doubt
they’ve recruited plenty of them, and there’s many more about.

If you need to get a back-up as you’re going to a brawl
that’s no problem – pick the mic up, Clayton’s waiting for your call.
When the phone rings at your station, and you’re typing up a Brief,
send two Claytons, in their Div van, save yourself a lot of grief.

Not assaulted, nor reported, never frightened, very fair,
won’t take leave and likes the night-shift, good old Clayton’s always there.
Special efforts on the drug scene, and the road toll, breakers too
can use Claytons for a Task Force – it’s amazing what they do.

We can now have lots of Claytons at all stations to assist,
so be grateful for these workers on your station duty list.
Never question, just accept them, for the cost to you is small.
Thank the Government for their Claytons – you could have to do it all.

EMPIRE BUILDING

The art of empire building is not very well defined
but it’s operation isn’t hard to learn.
Just collect the information and forget to pass it on,
this will soon create some feelings of concern.

A large, and regimented, governmental service group
is very slow to stop or start or steer.
Just with-hold communication, keep the process very slow
and along the line some problems will appear.

This creates the situation which an Empire builder needs.
His position is secure and very strong.
He has all the information so can easily proclaim
he’s informed that there is really nothing wrong.

Practice non-communication, never delegate or train
and become more ineffective year by year.
All your plans and aspirations will become your own downfall,
as your Empire and your job both disappear.

EXECUTIVE ELECTIONS

Politicians, voted servants, most are tarred with one big brush
whether Local, State or Federal, little doubt.
And in any group Committee, be it sporting, hobby, church,
prime intent is “Keep the Opposition out”.

Opposition definition is “They don’t agree with me”
or “They haven’t got experience like us”,
and it seems forgotten purpose – representing those who vote –
is expected, and accepted, without fuss.

Making promises to voters is a part of getting in,
even mixed with good intentions and some hope,
till the perks and easy going overcome the promise made
or the workload kills ability to cope.

An Executive Election is like marriage, in some ways.
Only time will show if value’s weak or strong.
If performance isn’t given, you’ve misjudged the candidate
and the cost can prove enormous, if you’re wrong.

GOVERNMENT HOUSING

The ad says “Class A”, but that’s no guarantee.
Still, the area’s right, and the weather.
So you rightly believe, as the Vacancy states,
that the job and the house go together.

A one manner station, a small country town
where the major activity’s farming.
You do your job right, get accepted by all,
till comes a report most alarming

“With budget restraint, the new policy is
we are changing to centralisation.
Your house must be sold, so you’ll have to move out,
but you’re still the O/C of your Station.

You might have to travel, but that can’t be helped”.
The tone of the message is plain.
Within an hour’s drive, there’s no liveable house
apply for a transfer again.

The new Residential Tenancies Act
is applied right across population,
but apparently not to a Government house
which raises and odd situation.

Apply for a transfer and live in their house
as the ad in the Vacancies shows,
but what do you do when there’s no other house,
and the Government Bankers foreclose?

PLAN ‘B’

Taking a dive is an art form, excuses are many and neat.
Taking a Board is much harder, but even a Board can be beat.
Fred let it out he was troppo, his lights were on, no one at home.
One day he pulled the pin proper, with a pistol he went for a roam.

Fred saw the Braid on the footpath, so pulled his gun out and gave chase.
The Braid gave a yell for assistance, and five members joined in the race.
The fight was a little unequal, and Fred got put right on the ground
but he gave a lot more than expected, torn clothing and bruises all round.

On his back in the dirt still protesting, one member swears Fred gave a wink.
The matter was fixed at high level, and Fred got to visit the Shrink.
There wasn’t much doubt of the outcome, Fred took the Board and went out.
He sold up and shifted to Surfers, just golfing and lying about.

Years later, his system was threatened Fred got a Government letter.
“We think you might help by returning. The Shrink will decide if you’re better”.
Fred wasn’t worried by Psychos. He’d beaten the Board, for a starter.
He had a ‘Plan B’ as a fail safe, and figured that he was still smarter.

He opened the door to the Shrink’s room, as lively and smart as a log,
dropped on all fours on the carpet, then barked and growled like a dog.
Fred’s back in the job now, he lost out. His ‘Plan B’ was shot down to hell,
‘cos he cracked when the Shrink did what Fred did, but barked even louder as well.

FOR POLICE WIVES ASSOC.

Saddle Boy

We’ve been married fifteen years, and our children’s instinct knows
if their father’s mood is good or if it’s sour
He is captive in his job, over sixty hours a week,
and he may be called to work at any hour

He starts work at three o’clock, and he should be off in eight,
but we’ve learnt not to expect him till he’s back
Could be fatal accident, or a brawl down at the pub,
or a violent domestic knife attack.

When a job comes he must go, never knowing what awaits,
often nothing, sometimes violence he’ll find
Hours of paperwork to do, small satisfaction from the courts,
all have their cost and keep his work in mind

All the pressures of his job are revealed when he comes home,
but to talk of them his guard would have to drop
He knows ripoffs which occur, he sees things which should not be,
I can’t help reduce the hurt that he can’t stop.

Waiting cuts my nerves to raw and I’m anchored to the phone
till he rings and tells me everything’s alright
Even after fifteen years I can’t relax till he gets home,
and it doesn’t matter if it’s day or night

He’s been shot at, punched and kicked, and abuse is commonplace,
but he’s needed and he’s sworn to keep the peace
The department could help more, but their budget is all spent –
there’s no money, low priority, police.

PRE RELEASE

When BudVis got the Airports, it was only the first stage
in a very complex Car rent master chart
to include the massage parlors and the hospitals as well,
but Pentridge was excluded from the start.

The “pre releasing” program threw a spanner in the works,
a steady market which no one had tapped,
with exclusive captive users and potential for repeat.
The BudVis U.S. bosses would be rapt.

This marketing bonanza from the state was quite a gift
though there could be problems getting parking bays.
It was due to overcrowding, in the College, of those in
with sentences of less than thirty days.

To keep the system moving, someone thought that “pre release”
could reduce this overcrowding in the Pen
“Put short term offenders in this big revolving door.
Go in there and sign the book, come out again.

Please be good, don’t screw our system when you’re out on pre release,
we’ve tried to do our very best for you,
and we won’t appreciate it if you get outside the door,
flip the finger, wave goodbye and then shoot through.

It’s a sorry situation, but we just don’t have the room,
and don’t you cause more trouble for Police”.
There’s an off shoot to this system, it can boost free enterprise.
You can do another job, in pre release.

The interest of the public and the efforts of police
have been swallowed in the monumental mist
of governmental bungling and of civil liberties
and slapping minor crims upon the wrist.

PUBLIC RELATIONS

Everybody has a slogan or a catch cry which they use.
All the placards and the banners let us share the holder’s views
and we can’t escape exposure if we watch or hear the news.
Perhaps we ought to have a V.P. slogan.

There is “Save the Whale” and “End M.S.”, and “Nuclear Free for Peace”,
and the Unions with their protests seem to offer no release.
Would a P.R. firm do wonders for Victoria Police?
Maybe they could come up with a gimmick?

They have done if for the Mars Bar, and the well known C.U.B.
and the V.F.L. and Ford Pills are displayed for all to see.
Could good relations experts fix traditional V.P.?
Would the public even listen to their efforts?

Since Ned Kelly was a hero, and the gold fields men were rough,
all the hatred and resentment made policing very tough.
Now we’re slightly more assisted, but respected not enough.
Can you blame us, if we wonder if it’s worth it?